Post by Swith on Mar 2, 2016 18:56:57 GMT -4
This was an extra credit assignment for Sprite's Social Studies and Civics grade. The teacher gave them the option of writing a report, doing a news piece, or writing a blog post from one of the candidate's perspective. She chose a news piece... and then got so disgusted by what she was watching on TV that she turned it into political commentary.
I need to preface this by stating that we allow Sprite to form her own opinions. We encourage her to do so, and then to discuss those opinions with us. I sat her down after she wrote this piece in order to explain the process a bit better. Still, there's no denying that a child's eyes see through bullshit.
Tonight is the 2016 Souper Tuesday. This event gets held every four years by Farmer Sam to determine which chicken gets to become the Clucker in Chief. Everyone wants to be Clucker in Chief but most want this job because they think they know what's best for all the barnyard. The trick to becoming the Clucker in Chief is to come out on top. The way to come out on top is to lie to all the pigs, sheep and cows and make them think you care about them. Except the Sanders chicken. He actually lived with pigs, sheep and cows and understand [sic] what it means to be a not-chicken.
The contest starts after weeks of being on the fence and crowing a lot. On Souper Tuesday morning all the chickens jump into the middle of a butter ring. That's like a boxing ring only no referee. Then the other animals start voting. Votes come because the chickens spend a lot of grain. They make commercials so they can promise to fix all the problems. The chickens on the red colored part of the yard spent more grain than the blue colored part of the yard this year. This was because they had to make extra commercials to yell at each other so all the animals know how bad the other chickens are for the barnyard.
This year the Trump chicken came out on top for the red colored part of the yard. He's a farmyard bully. It's important because the barnyard animals will become forced to vote for the chicken that can defeat him the best instead of the chicken that's actually the best for making barnyard policy. You vote a bully to beat a bully and this is why the Clinton chicken will win the blue colored part of the yard.
This year the Clinton chicken won lots of the blue colored parts of the yard. That's because she spent the most grain telling the sheep what they want to hear. We had sheep history month last month and they forgot to say the Sanders chicken fought for sheep rights to be equal to all the animals. The sheep voted for the Clinton chicken because she's good at pretend.
The Sanders chicken won his home nest part of the yard. He also won the mountain parts of the yard. This is because the Clinton chicken wanted to spend grain on sheep instead of addressing all the animals' issues. She didn't spend much grain in any parts of the yard that didn't have lots of sheep. All parts of the yard matter to the Sanders chicken but he doesn't have enough grain to go around. So that's why she won so many parts. She set fire and all the cows and pigs must have burned up so they couldn't vote. The Sanders chicken couldn't get past the fire to save them in time because he didn't have enough grain to buy a ladder.
The end.
This is satire. I really do know how the political process works. I think the United States of America has forgotten President Abraham Lincoln. He said "government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth". This was his Gettysburg Address. People with good ideas for all the people can't raise money to be candidates. Candidates with bad ideas are backed by special interests.
I need to preface this by stating that we allow Sprite to form her own opinions. We encourage her to do so, and then to discuss those opinions with us. I sat her down after she wrote this piece in order to explain the process a bit better. Still, there's no denying that a child's eyes see through bullshit.
2016 Bawk-Us and Primary Feather Souper Tuesday
[insert picture of chickens: They're all plucked and covered in butter, each of them trying to scramble to the top of the chicken pile in order to be the Chosen One. Two chickens with wild hair beat the crap out of each other. One has big, pursed lips (Trump) and the other wears glasses (Sanders). An angry chicken with a bow represents Clinton. A chicken wielding a cross denotes Cruz. The Rubio chicken is trapped at the bottom of the pile, screaming "Help!" through a speech bubble). Carson chicken is obviously buried by the lot. A chicken stands to one side, a wing pointing towards the pile as he laughs at them... obviously, this is Obama chicken.]
[insert picture of chickens: They're all plucked and covered in butter, each of them trying to scramble to the top of the chicken pile in order to be the Chosen One. Two chickens with wild hair beat the crap out of each other. One has big, pursed lips (Trump) and the other wears glasses (Sanders). An angry chicken with a bow represents Clinton. A chicken wielding a cross denotes Cruz. The Rubio chicken is trapped at the bottom of the pile, screaming "Help!" through a speech bubble). Carson chicken is obviously buried by the lot. A chicken stands to one side, a wing pointing towards the pile as he laughs at them... obviously, this is Obama chicken.]
Tonight is the 2016 Souper Tuesday. This event gets held every four years by Farmer Sam to determine which chicken gets to become the Clucker in Chief. Everyone wants to be Clucker in Chief but most want this job because they think they know what's best for all the barnyard. The trick to becoming the Clucker in Chief is to come out on top. The way to come out on top is to lie to all the pigs, sheep and cows and make them think you care about them. Except the Sanders chicken. He actually lived with pigs, sheep and cows and understand [sic] what it means to be a not-chicken.
The contest starts after weeks of being on the fence and crowing a lot. On Souper Tuesday morning all the chickens jump into the middle of a butter ring. That's like a boxing ring only no referee. Then the other animals start voting. Votes come because the chickens spend a lot of grain. They make commercials so they can promise to fix all the problems. The chickens on the red colored part of the yard spent more grain than the blue colored part of the yard this year. This was because they had to make extra commercials to yell at each other so all the animals know how bad the other chickens are for the barnyard.
This year the Trump chicken came out on top for the red colored part of the yard. He's a farmyard bully. It's important because the barnyard animals will become forced to vote for the chicken that can defeat him the best instead of the chicken that's actually the best for making barnyard policy. You vote a bully to beat a bully and this is why the Clinton chicken will win the blue colored part of the yard.
This year the Clinton chicken won lots of the blue colored parts of the yard. That's because she spent the most grain telling the sheep what they want to hear. We had sheep history month last month and they forgot to say the Sanders chicken fought for sheep rights to be equal to all the animals. The sheep voted for the Clinton chicken because she's good at pretend.
The Sanders chicken won his home nest part of the yard. He also won the mountain parts of the yard. This is because the Clinton chicken wanted to spend grain on sheep instead of addressing all the animals' issues. She didn't spend much grain in any parts of the yard that didn't have lots of sheep. All parts of the yard matter to the Sanders chicken but he doesn't have enough grain to go around. So that's why she won so many parts. She set fire and all the cows and pigs must have burned up so they couldn't vote. The Sanders chicken couldn't get past the fire to save them in time because he didn't have enough grain to buy a ladder.
The end.
This is satire. I really do know how the political process works. I think the United States of America has forgotten President Abraham Lincoln. He said "government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth". This was his Gettysburg Address. People with good ideas for all the people can't raise money to be candidates. Candidates with bad ideas are backed by special interests.